Sick

Hey everybody!  Unfortunately I don’t have a ton of exciting news because I was pretty sick most of this week.  Last Thursday night I went to the Musée d’Orsay, but I completely forgot my camera.  I was also only there for about half-an-hour.  Later that night I went to a bar with some friends and had a little much.  The next day I didn’t feel too great, and I figured it was the obvious, but it turned out to be the beginning of a stomach flu.  So I didn’t even leave my floor of the apartment Saturday and I completely missed the free museums on Sunday.  Monday I started getting a little better, although I did skip my first course on physical chemistry-I might end up dropping it because I’m really not too into that one.  I managed to get to the rest of my classes, though.  Two classes at French universities started Wednesday and today: Arabic literature and embryonic development of the mouse.  They both look pretty cool, and like they won’t be too, too much work.  I had a bit of a hard time following the French in the Arabic literature class, but embryonic development was pretty easy.  The professor talked about in situs a lot, and I thought to myself “I’ve done a couple of those”.  I think that one will be a lot of fun, but it’s going to be very intense: Two 4-hour lectures and one 2-hour section every week for 6 weeks.  The first lecture is tomorrow morning and I don’t know how much of it I’m likely to sleep through.  Since I was sick and in bed a lot this week, I managed to finish reading a book I was working on called “Le Grand Cahier” or “The Big Notebook” by Agota Kristof.  It’s a nice, easy-to-read style, but extremely disturbing.  James, you should read it.  Oh, I also got tickets to the soccer match between France and England in March!  Well, I’m sorry I didn’t get pictures from either of the museums I promised, but here’s a picture of a painting of an elephant from Fontainebleau that I really liked.  Apparently the elephant represents the king, but I can’t really remember which one right now.

And here’s an idea I got while I was sick.  I don’t think it’s too inappropriate, but read at your own risk.

A Ridiculous Proposal

 

            The world faces an enormous, gigantic problem today: obesity.  Millions of parents around the world watch and do nothing as their children swell up like balloons, full of bad habits that will lead to lifelong medical problems.  The worst part of the situation is that there doesn’t seem to be any way to reverse this trend.  “Doctors” tell us to eat from the five food groups, not to snack, to exercise.  Unfortunately, some of the infamous five food groups are absolutely disgusting.  Like vegetables…who the hell enjoys eating vegetables?  As for snacking, our digestive system is constantly processing the food we consume, so it makes scientific sense to consume constantly.  Exercise can be extremely enjoyable, but who has time for that in today’s fast-paced world?  Of course there have been numerous diet pills and shakes, but the shakes taste like shit most of the time and pills are notorious for their side effects.  Luckily, I have come up with an irreprehensible solution: stomach viruses.

            Viruses of the stomach are one of the nastiest kinds, but they are also incredibly efficient for weight-loss.  These viruses can easily ruin one’s weekend by filling it with vomiting, diarrhea or both.  While they make you feel terrible, it is undeniable that virus-induced purging can shave pounds off in a matter of hours.  There is a downside to this method, and that is that the human body’s immune system is normally able to adapt and destroy the viral infection in a matter of days.  Not to worry, as viruses are constantly evolving and there are surely numerous strains of virus that have the desired effect.  With genetic engineering, making hundreds or thousands more of these viruses is very feasible.  My weight loss program begins with injection of a single stomach virus.  In the few days that it is likely to last, the virus should be able to reduce your weight significantly.  After recovering from the first stomach virus, you can either elect to have another injected immediately, or wait a few weeks since being sick with a stomach bug is a terrific bitch.  Some may object to this idea because it comes with a significant amount of discomfort, but there can be no doubt that it works.